My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
