Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
