this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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