Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
