I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
