i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
