She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
