She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
