I bet he comes in French.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
