Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
