I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
