I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i would punch a child for taco bell
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
