if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
and she was petting her beer can
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
