Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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