All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
