I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
