Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
