i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
