My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
