hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
