My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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