ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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