dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
