I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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