It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
