I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
