how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
