Betty ford says i'm here all night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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