drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
