no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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