so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
