So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
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