hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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