The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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