i just google imaged poop.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
