Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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