Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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