i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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