I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
