If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
