God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
