Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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