I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
