dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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