Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
