I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
