I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
