Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
