stop calling my apartment porn island.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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