Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
