Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
