whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
